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Monday, July 25, 2005

Phulermak! Endorsement From The EL Teacher!

Women, are horrible, horrible creatures.
Evident from the fact that one moment they can appear like
the sweetest, most gorgeous and lovable things at one moment,
then turn around and completely (attempt) to bite you in the ass.

*Sweet Smile*
"Class, copy this down for your EL Orals..."

"... I would like to know how many of you write online blogs?"

*Girls erupts in screaming out names of banal and incoherent teeny-bopper blogs*

*Remains in the corner, grinning that smug arrogant smile as the
focus of the class starts to shift to yours truly*

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
I've been bloody found out.

Actually, I just sat there grinning more widely as ever as the class began to
realize that I was the subject of the teacher's attempted jest.

How does one react when caught off-guard like this?
No wonder she was in such a good mood, she was setting me up to fall.
Well, I'm not going to go down. You can try to put the man down, but 'The Ego'
never stays down.

Grin.
Smile.

Look as arrogant and as much of smug ass as you can muster.
You can't get caught off guard, not by her.
Not now,
not in the class.

You've got a bloody reputation to keep.
How can you go around being that smug asshole who's
always got an answer for everything when you get caught off guard by the
EL teacher on the subject of your blog?

Smile, smile.
All the class is your stage, the microphone's been passed on to you,
you might not be on the stage, but you sure as hell are the focal point of their attention.
Like as smug as possible, piss her off, that be incredible.

Yea, yea.
Look as smug as possible before trying to recollect your thoughts for
a witty comeback. Piss her off, make her lose her cool, heck don't show
any sign of weakness, then you'll lose.

In fact, during that 5 minutes
when Mrs Yeo began to discuss my blog and one of its particular posts
I began to get so freakin' nervous as to what might actually happen to me,
I ceased copying the details of my O levels EL Oral and started writing
down my thoughts instead...

P1010396
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... Is bloody right.

Well, cool calm collected eh?
Couldn't let any chink in my armour show.
My ego positively protects me from everything.
Can't have an English teacher break that eh?

No matter how much I like you, as a teacher,
you are after all a teacher.
Can't allow you to win, eh?


After the lording over the discovery of my blog,
she proceeded to discuss my love life.
How bloody inappropriate is that!?

Oi, how am I going to carry out my plans of impregnating
all the half decent girls in the world with you discussing my love life?
How to get an insidious army of sons, all loyal to me like that?

HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!?!?!?

Having your English Teacher discuss your love life in class is simply
too weird. How to continue being a flirtatious son-of-a-gun when people
know that I'm not single anymore!?

MRS YEO!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!

Ngao Hia.
Just my luck that she's also the teacher who talks the most cock
most out spoken teacher in school. Just like me,
except that my cock talking extends to the student body only.
I don't fraternize with teachers, okay?

Come to think of it,
during recess she was chatting quite happily with a group of teachers.
Shit!

Ngao Hia CCB!
The teachers cannot find out about this blog,
the consequences would be too terrible..
Shit!

Damnit, damnit, damnit.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Damn.
Now that there are teachers reading my blog,
I have to be careful of what I write,
lest I incur their wrath and get set to that freezing hell of a DM's room,
for slander/being 'unruly'.

Furthermore, with the attention that Mrs Yeo's brought to this blog,
I actually have people asking me for my blog address.
People who don't normally use the net.

How to continue rubbing shoulders with the babes and hot chicks,
with my love life under full scrutiny? How to be an incorrigible flirt like that?

Damn.
Well, at least my blog's now garnered a renewed flurry of interest within the school
community.
Hmm, would I get more hits?

When I find out the person who brought
my blog to the attention of Mrs Yeo....

Oh..
You just can't imagine what I'll do to yous.

I'll circumcise you, without anesthesia.
With a blunt, rusty paring knife!
Just you wait, when I get my hands on you...


---------------------------------------------------------

Shit, now I have to censor everything I write,
to ensure nothing defamatory against the school
or my classmates come out, now that the entire staff room
probably knows the existence of my blog and that my EL teacher
has openly endorsed my blog. Damn.

Note: Mrs Yeo, you do know that this blog is mostly bitching.
I still love you as a teacher though, heheh, and I most certainly
don't mind being the EL rep to satisfy your slave driving tendencies
to help you out whenever you may need it.
I am a nice guy, okay?

And I'm also sure that you know how to separate the bullshit in this blog from
the more serious entries eh? Chances are, if they put a smile on your face,
I'm not being serious. Come on lah, you've got 7A1s right?
You must be smarter than that...

And yea, I think Bigfuck is a compliment lah.. Not meh?

16 comments:

Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

wow! who is this daniel man?
it looks like you are going to get some big shit coming to you...
let's hope she will not read it or else...

Anonymous said...

Your Mrs Yeo is the most fantastic teacher I seem to have ever come across, from what I can read. She's just so nice to broadcast your blog for all, I mean, wow, the kind of hits you'll receive on the counter.

(Miss Tan, if you're EVEN reading this comment besides my blog.. Please do student bloggers like me a favour and at least divulge something about that secret gossiping society that you teachers deny being a part of! Or I'll blackmail! With a fearsome ninja squirrel!)

Anonymous said...

Dick

I have not told any other teacher about your blog. Nor have I discussed the contents with anyone else except your classmates so please do not make any assumptions.

The purpose of having a blog online is to broadcast your life so if you and your friend Daniel wish to keep your lives secret and not have people gossip about you, then perhaps you should consider writing journals instead.

I do not endorse your entries in your blog; nor do I condemn them. In fact I found some of your entries rather entertaining reads (minus the crude language). I understand that this is just an outlet to vent your frustrations in life so I did not and do not plan to report you to the school.

Did I sound angry with you this morning? I certainly do not think so. Frankly I did not take offence so there was no need for you to remove your previous blog about me.

However, I do take offence at the comment posted by your friend Daniel. He has no reason to call me names when he does not even know me. Even when one is angry, he or she should refrain from using vulgarities.

I shall not retaliate because I am one classy lady.

Mrs Yeo

thepattycakes said...

wowwww.

classy lady, she sure is man!

Hur!
Fancy being sabo-ed by your friends infront of your favourite teacher...

Tsktsk.
Your EL teacher so up to date!
Why my tag&ELACS teachers not liddat one.
-pouts-

Adrian said...

Eileen: Of course. I 踢屁股!

Daniel said...

Dear Mrs Yeo, shouldn't it be apparent to you that I have retracted my comment? Within a few minutes of putting it up, no less, for the sole altruistic reason of steering Dick from trouble. Blessed me! I'm gaining a conscience.
That said, I must confess to being caught unawares by you; a scenario whereby you hit the 'refresh button' once every 3 minutes takes shape in my mind.

Regardless, I'm sure that being the model professional and "classy lady" that you are, you would not hold it against this impetuous youth, the likes of which you must see a lot of.
Indeed, why even get ruffled considering the unreserved retraction?


P.S: Imagine the buzz that would be generated in school had you retaliated ;)

Darthsid said...

daniel:
Wah piang eh.. Retract for what.. I've already gotten flak from it in school,
heh.. Neh'mind..
Hotmail still has a copy of your comment!

nna:
Heh.. Yea, yea. I guess EL lessons has its moments..

Mrs Yeo:
Ye gods, isn't life all about making assumptions and hoping that you're right?
I mean, even in class, you do tend to assume,
for one, you've already assumed that I've taken down my post about you.

Wrong.
It's still there, I never take down my posts,
all the bitching, whining and shamless blog-whoring, is still there,
ever present for all to see.

Besides, crude language is just part of what makes this entertaining,
imagine going all around with a stiff lip, blah, blah, blah...
Bah! There's enough of it going around in school,
why hold back on the net?

One Classy Lady?
heh.. I'm sure I can find plenty of people who'd disagree..

ei|een:
Oh shit.

No comment.

pat:
Heh.. You've obviously NEVER been to my EL class,
oen thing it's not, is classy.
Haha..

Why else would I find it such a joy to engage in 'discussions'
during lessons?
Certainly not with a stiff lip.

adrian:
Erm.. Erm..

daniel:
dude..
Damn!
It'd would've been quite a spectacle had this turned out in an all out slugfest,
oh well, I'm sure you would've come out tops.

Ah, no matter.

Daniel said...

good to see that you're not holding back even with the exposure.
anyway, how did my comment land up in your hotmail?

Anonymous said...

i have to say that this is quite a spectacle-dropping event to have your teacher to comment on the blog. although the fact that she made it seems like a letter kind of freaks me off since i have been out of school for darn years and who writes letters anyway.
about the comment of mrs yeo commenting she is classy makes me ponder whether it's a statement she wished it's true, she thinks it's true or she wants it to be true. (which apparently, isn't true)
Mrs yeo, trying to save yourself from any embarrassement by saying you are a classy lady in blogs is not something we bloggers usually do and the only effect of such statements is unfortunately the reverse.
Last but not least, i think that sharing people's blog without his permission even with his/he classmates is an infringement of privacy. thus mrs yeo, i do hope that you apologise to poor daniel who has to endure so much embarrassment due to your actions.

Daniel said...

embarrassed? haha, no way! I am acually hoping she will pick up the gauntlet and carry on the exchange. They don't call me a contentious bastard for nothing you know!

Anonymous said...

seems that u enjoy the fame that you have earned. hahaz.....

Jin said...

I wonder why your teacher is even petty enough to mess about with a meagre student's blog.

All in the name of good fun lar, hor.

Darthsid said...

daniel:
Erm, I've got blogger sending me e-mails whenver I get a comment,
this way, I won't miss out if comments get deleted, eh?

Heheh.. I think she would've lost anyway..
But yea, bastards unite!

anonymous:
'We' Bloggers?
*ahem* Anonymous bastard? How do I know that you aren't one of my classmates trying to act smart?
And anyways, don't give Mrs Yeo so much flak lah, she's realyl quite *ahem* nice.
Save for the fact that she's got a bloated ego, but then again,heh, who doesnt?

And besides, I'm loving the attention I'm getting from my classmates, let the good times, roll.

anonymous 2:
Heh, boo yea!

hejin:
Of course, I haven't yet emphasized the amount of fame and notoriety that I've got among my peers and
the staff of my school have I?
Damn, ego feeding time, again!

Anonymous said...

Bah. Teachers are really going anal on their students... not that it is bad though. My teacher visits my blog too, though I post less "in-your-face" things, so I think she thinks appropriate. Amazing how your blog gets revealed in class to everyone, it must be really something big!

James said...

Forgot to sign in, it was me on the last post.