Weird Fright Of People!

In Secondary School, I'd like to believe that I was the weird antisocial kid with an attitude. I never 'hung around' after school and still refuse to do so, I never made much of an issue with popularity and acceptance by conventional norms. Quite the contrary I was constantly late for School and made it a point to constantly challenge authority figures in School when I assumed they were behaving foolishly. In the final year of Secondary school, I was in the top class and the it was routine that I should either sleep, take long walks in between classes, talk to the guy sitting beside me- whom I might have considered a very good friend then, but have never contacted upon graduation.

Strangely enough, I believe I was moderately popular. I serve as head of a co circular, student leader, and was a recognized face in school. I think being a grumpy motherfucker who didn't bother to fraternize but was outspoken and mildly eloquent.

Having left that world behind for four years now, I am now paranoid and exist in a slightly altered version of our reality designed to shield myself emotionally from the perceived failures of the past and present. When a crack in that reality occurs when people become generally interested or nice, I respond the only way a weird ass motherfucker knows-with panic. Especially when the person hearkens from the time when I was a Secondary school student. The very memories of that institution invokes feelings of hope and power and happiness.

What I don't like however are the people who are nice to me. More often, when I'm uninterested and non-reciprocal people end up with the foolish idea of persisting in breaking down barriers to the point where I manage to become ignorant of said person through the merit of disinterest.

It's the way I work. It's wrong, I know. I need help!