I cannot do pushups.

The left wrist is so stiff that it feels similar to before it got locked up in it's fibreglass cage. Including my current medical certificate, I would have been given 76 days of hospitalization leave in total. Which is not as fantastic as many people would make it out to be. 76 days of despondency, without purpose-fully fit but useless, without a good excuse to feel miserable.

It's been a great opportunity to take stock of life. Truth be told, I think my life has a very bleak long term outlook. I need to work on the whole personal relationships thing. If anything, I learned that I'm pretty good at ignoring nearly everyone I know for extended periods of times because I CAN. It's actually a pretty simple matter of mental discipline.

Which isn't good. Because things happen and people's lives play out when you're absent. Which is really shitty when you find out from another friend whom you've been ignoring for the longest period of time that horrible shit has transpired in said person's life which really makes you feel like crap because good friends are supposed to be there for each other.


Spending so much time not bothering about other people, make it difficult when I want to achieve a result to the opposite. Which has lead me scrambling to remember all the ridiculous things that other people used to pull when they showed interest in my person which is bad reference material because obviously none of it worked before.

It's terribly troubling. Dear god, I am agnostic and as such belief in your existence(s). I have been respectfully faithful in the manner of my parents' choosing and I would like a favour. You have shaped me in such a manner where I'm mildly obsessive and ruthlessly efficient in achieving quantifiable goals. Could you help me and deliver a way to quantify this qualitative issue? I would prefer a well documented instruction manual, preferably with the title 'How to be likable and sustain said likability' something to that effect. I'm sure you'll be able to pull off the literature with more finesse.

Please God? I'll owe you, think about it okay?