Talking to friends is depressing. Watching people moving ahead with their lives, pursuing greater things then attempting to get fit enough to complete and obstacle course to qualify for promotion has an extremely negative effect on morale. Goodness knows, I don't actually give a shit about the benefits of being physically fit. Being physically fit would simply by a means to an end.

Thinking like that is stupid. What's even worse is that I'm so incredibly sheltered from the world and everything that it has to offer by national service that the only issues that I really have to fret over concerns motivating myself to put in more time running to gain a lousy promotion worth twenty five dollars.

Oh, and I think my mother is getting incredibly worried about how I've been single for far too long. I mean she gets so fucking excited about the remotest possibility that I'm going out with a girl that it's gotten embarrassed about letting her know that I'm going out with a girl for fear that she might rupture an artery working herself up over the possibility of her son's marriage followed by procreation leading up to her being able to have grand children. Which is ridiculous, of course. The people I'm fascinated with will probably never love me, and the people whom I love I will never get into a relationship with because I'll be too much to bear in a relationship.


And all this speculative rubbish is probably borne from an idle mind spent buried in other people's fantasies for far too long.


One year, five months and eleven days more.