Religiously, unrepentant.

Today, I was a pilgrim.
For the first time in my life, I went
to pray, not at a church, but back where
my roots lay. I went to pray in a temple.


The temple was famed, and people came from all
over to pray to the Goddess that was enshrined in
the Temple. Like many of the other people there,
I didn't visit the temple to pay respects. Like many
of the other selfish people, I was motivated by greed.

Base and primal, I was unenlightened and unrefined.
I was motivated by greed.

I hiked there after work, under the deliriously hot sun.
Clad in black, fueled by anger and a million other base
emotions. Negativity emanated from my self like the plague.
I was dressed like death, and I looked like death. I was listening
to Metal, face stern as can be, set in stone.

Yet, I was strangely peaceful.
Without a heavy heart, without a sullied conscience.
I was simple, and I was innocent, innocent of any mal-will.


The temple, large as it was. Had enough traffic, in a day
enough devotees with money to spare, to operate without
charging poor pilgrims such as I. I stood amongst the hypocrites,
watching as they splurged, faithless, yet greedy. Treating the
holy shrine as a pawn shop. Luxuriating upon themselves,
their so called 'faith', exchanging currency in hope of greater
fortunes for themselves.

I was different, from them.
I had faith, and I was back so that my faith would
be re-confirmed. I asked for nothing for myself,
I only asked for my prayers to be answered and
my faith to be re-confirmed. So that my life
could be lead, pious and upright.


I prayed for my Father, then my Mother;
I prayed for the relationship, hoped that everything
would be well.

I left the temple, sweating under the noon's sun.
My exertion from the hike, not registering, my mind
at peace, my body black as death. I was calm as death,
haunting the shadows and the nightmares, when people sleep.

I headed home, the pilgrim's journey done.
Songs of anger, love and hate in my ears.
So primal and vulgar, the assault, ever so base.

I slept, peaceful and quiet.


I reached the house, I greeted the neighbour,
smiling and with a wave. Even blurting that tiny syllable,
voice cracking, I said 'Hi', still looking black as death.


I reached home, I sat. Silent and still.
Calm and unmoving. I thought, I checked my
messages. There were none.



I remained still.





I wept.



I sat, and I listened.
Nothing. Once more, I prayed.
Give me the faith, that I would need,
to weather whatever storms that may come.

I will need you to give me that faith.
For you are the Goddess of Mercy, and it
is mercy upon my poor soul, that you will save me.


Give me the faith I need, to turn back and head
straight again.





If not, at least bless me with better skin, more money,
a better social life, more friends, more hypocrites to call friends,
a great sex life, plenty more polygamous relationships.

If you won't let me go straight, at least let me be a successful,
assshole. Please?