Yes Auntie, Your Daughter Is In Good Hands.

I think I've already grown so accustomed to that
phrase that it's become my magic mantra for staving
off the fears of overly worried parents who're overly
worried their children will get raped/conned/assaulted/molested
whilst on a simple outing to get

magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic

them into as much pleasurable, money wasting yet legal
activities that the fantastic Sunny Island of Singapore can
offer.


It's not just the female counterparts either. The men get
it as well. No matter gender/race/age/creed the parents
will indefatigably go through a carbon copy list of remarks

1. What is your name?
2. What relation are you to my ward?
   
3. Where is my ward?
4. What is my ward doing?
5. Will my ward get into trouble doing (4)?
6. You'd better take good care of ward.
7. I trust you'll be responsible enough to make up for (wards) lack thereof.
8. I trust that (ward) will return with all his limbs. Functioning?

With only one correct answer for each and every point listed
out on the above, that being repeat after me:

"Yes Auntie, don't worry Auntie and of course Auntie, of course
I'll take extra care of your (ward)"

in as saccharine sweet a voice as possible. Works wonders how
most parents will soften up considerably after that.


And Yes, Auntie although I do realise that your child might be
the most precious thing in the world to you, you seriously should
invest in some cleansing solution for your mirrors, you know.

Or get your eyes checked.

Who in the blue hell would want to rape/assault your child?
He/she's so bloody emaciated, totally unattractive. It would
be an insult the assailant's good senses to even touch your
child. I mean seriously, NO ONE'S going to touch that bitch.

Okay, Auntie?

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For those who're interested,
yes, I've got the Star Bucks job.


To prove to you people that I'm not such a
hardass too, I'm going to do my bit for
community service. I'll advertise for the Salvation
Army. Head on down to any Star Bucks tomorrow
from 5-7PM and you'll get a complimentary (any)drink
simply by donating (any) amount of money to the
Salvation Army. And oh yea, I'll be down at Star Bucks
Liang Court giving out autographed copies of my, umm,
blog as well, from 5-7. Try and spot me, eh? Heheh.