I Am A Virgin.

I'm never donating blood again.
Never.


Try having a .4cm hole in the artery which
refuses to stop bleeding. After that, tell me if
you'll dare to give 'life' ever again.

Not especially if the nurses were bloody sweet,
well because you're a virgin. In both senses of
the word.

Well, the downside to all the sweet nurses is that
they're all damn old, and apart from the sweet
grand motherly goodness that they emanate, they're
quite useless in calming the nerves of a worried virgin
boy of 16 suffering from mild haemophobia and moderate
trypanophobia.

How the hell am I supposed to reply to
'Don't worry, it's not painful'
'It's painless, no worries'
and other such inconsequential attempts
to calm a worried and nervous virgin.

And you know lady, I know you have to
perform the Iron Test. But after pricking my
finger, could you please refrain from squeezing?
The blood's already oozing like there's no tomorrow,
your squeezing my finger so it gets entirely covered
in blood doesn't help. Not when you've already
collected your sample and not especially if you told
this virgin that it's going to be 'okay'.

And you know, no one likes a nurse with a sense of
humour. Not especially one who places that pack of
blood on your hand after you're done donating blood.
Smiling at me cheerily while I try to control my flinching
doesn't help. Not when the packet of warm liquid still
rests on my arm.

Nosssir.

Doesn't help either that the needle that they pierce your
artery with measures .4cm. Best thing was, after 6 hours,
the wound still bled. Imagine the my horror when I took
off the bandage and blood started flowing as freely as the
Singapore River across my arm.

I WAS BLEEDING STRAIGHT FROM MY ARTERY.

You know how freaked out someone suffering from
haemophobia gets when blood, rich and brilliantly
crimson oozes out of that humongous hole, flowing
like no body's business to the sheer horror of this
shaken individual.

Even soaking through the first plaster you put in
an attempt to quell the bleeding? Have you ever
had a plaster soake through with blood!?

You can be sure there was a lot of manly screaming grunting
involved. Oh yea, manly grunting.


The positives to donating blood, however?
You get a better understanding of why females
are so insane while PMS-ing. You know the lack
of blood causes light-headeness which in turn
causes your brain to function less optimally which
(in my case) causes one to feel incredibly tired
yet energetic at the same time!

Which results in plenty of energetic running about
grabbing people by the necks to choke them, and
generally more spastic smiling.

That's about it.

I'm never donating blood again,
or if I do donate blood. I'm roping
in similar virgins for my harem so that I
won't be the only squeamish 18 year old
looking boy of 16 who's crazy enough to
donate blood.

Anyone want to visit the Blood Bank with me
on the 24th of February? I'll guarantee you a good
time!



For all my troubles, this was my haul for the day.
I didn't even get a blood donor card, just a stupid
little 'Thank You' card demanding that I return to
donate blood by 24th Feb. Damn, are they worried
that I might have HIV or something? What with
the refusal to give me my blood donor card
'We'll send it by mail' and their 2Pamphlets warning
me about the consequences of donating blood whilst
being having HIV.

And no, you dipshits. I'm 16 and haven't gotten laid
yet. I mean, what the hell.

I'm still a virgin.

I'm going to overdose on Ferrous Furmarate, now.