Your Mother's Your Best Friend. Really.*

"I want a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend!
You've got a girlfriend right? How'd you get one!?"

Well, that's just plain fucking stupid, if you ask me.
First of all, you don't know what you're getting yourself
into by getting a girlfriend.

You become obsessive, jealous, paranoid and start to
refuse reason and logic. Instead, insisting on being fool hardy,
wasting your time, money and effort investing in something
which may not provide any returns.



You're much better off spending the time,money and effort building rapport
your mother instead.


Seriously, your mother's your REAL bestfriend.
Think about it, which person do you freely abuse without
ever worrying about suffering any consequences?

What about the person who's financed you on EVERY single
one of your foolhardy endeavours and instead of chiding you when
you've failed. Continue to encourage you to burn money on another
crazy venture, be it skirt chasing, starting a business or just plain
wasting money.

Your mother's the only person who knows you inside out,
having raised you for your ENTIRE life and seriously speaking
if you need emotional comfort you're mother's really the only
one who's fit to provide it to you.


I mean seriously let's face it.
You've been nursed by your mother, she'll provide you with a hot meal
everyday, she's got you a roof over your head, she'll give you money,
she'll give you love and most of all, it's all free and you can hurl
abuse at her freely and she'll understand.

Because there's nothing more noble than a mother's love.
She'll forgive you for everything you've done, best of all
she can't divorce you and rip your pubic hair away from you,
leaving you broke and impotent.



Let's face it. No girlfriend will ever be able to do that for you.
So guys, stop complaining about not having a girlfriend, take a trip
to the kitchen (or wherever your mother's busy slogging away) and
go appreciate her, possibly asking her for more money to finance your
porno/*insert guilty pleasure* addictions. Heck, tell her you love her,
say sorry for screaming at her when she's nagged at you for using the phone,
hug her. Whatever, man.

Because you'll never receive more love from anyone other than your mother;
and that's the damn truth.

Girlfriends? Pfft.
Bloody overrated.



If monks can go through their entire lives celibate,
I don't see why I can't fall back on masturbation to make
up for a lack of sex.
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Disclaimer:
I'm not saying sex is bad. I'm saying you can do without.
Samething for girlfriends. It's not that they're bad,
but you can do without.



*Article applies to girls as well. Just switch Mother for Father
and girlfriend for boyfriend.