Like a sonofabitch.

There's been a known infection of one of the men in my company. Which is terrible because now that H1N1 has infected one of the men, I can no longer feign apathy about the damn disease. It's become harder to not feel tingly at all the statistics and the fact that this motherfucker is spreading with such wild abandon despite all the measures that have been put in place to combat said motherfucker.

Mortality. That's not a very nice one.

Excitement Commences!

Well, Michael Jackson is dead.

I am the walrus.

You know, I really should be less twitchy and prone to sudden flare ups. I should be focusing on how awesome life is! How mediocre I think I've become and how best to improve upon my insecurities through casual observation of the world outside the Army and home!

I need to meet more women who make The Beatles play in my head. Never happened before awesomeness.

Oh no!

My cousin's getting registered for marriage! And I'm already a great uncle many times over. It seems like everyone from my generation has got hitched already. Whatever happened to these people! It didn't seem long ago when they were pushing me on swings. Now they're popping babys like nobodys' business and working and getting jobs and such. Ugh, and I'm still the same as ever. I want to start popping babies and having responsibilities! Oooh, being young and at the mercy of others is a lousy feeling.

I can foresee myself being slightly depressed and grumpy at the solemnization next week.

Yes, Okay.

I'm slightly afraid that I might not fit in anywhere, after my MC. I spend far too much time cooping myself at home and avoiding people that the whole mechanics of interacting with people, specifically civilians has been lost on me. During the rare occasions that I do interact with people I rely heavily on attempting to be inconspicuous and hazy memories of lectures that I had about effective communication in the workplace from my previous job.

I also fear that after revolving my life around paid television programming, I don't have the grit to go back to camp and be a manly manly soldier, full of pride and drive. Of course, pride is everything. Without it, I wouldn't trouble myself to actually care. I hope I haven't lost that.

Getting my fitness back on track after nearly two months after inactivity is going to hurt.

Lovely.

Age!

You know, just yesterday when I was at the dentists' and that cute receptionist asked me how old I was I got stunned, and forgot my age. I actually needed to remember the year I was born count the years up until 20, then remember my birthday has not passed yet before managing a meek '20 plus'.

Now, I feel slightly weird about looking at girls who're born after 1989. Makes me feel like a dirty man.

Oh, did I mention that she was holding onto my identification card when she asked for my age?

Wisdom Teeth.

Dinner is a combination of blood, spit, and full cream milk. Thank god the painkiller's an appetite suppressant.

CLICK ME.

Has anyone else read that (link above) story yet? This country's military spending relative to population ranks among the top 5 in the world. Israel has a conscription system similar to Singapore's. However, the Israeli Defence Force conscripts women (all non Arab Israelis serve a minimum of 2 years) and fights wars which would explain the high expenditure and actively engage in fighting wars.

Our army's line that we are a 'deterrent' force is right. There are so many 'soldiers' of all different ranks, enlisted and commissioned alike who are so incompetent and unfit that is so symptomatic of what the hell is wrong with this army. As a soldier, I don't dare imagine what would happen if war breaks out. I only hope all this posturing manages to fool our enemies who might come to the conclusion that more money equals better armed forces.

I honestly wonder what's being done with all that money. I shouldn't have memories of infantry training where I'm whacking the side of my rifle with my multi tool whilst rushing to overrun the enemy, because the rifle jams up with every shot I take. That's just wrong. A rifle that can't fire for nuts.

Seriously, just employ the Israeli soldiers and save money wasted on training batches of soldiers every two years. An Israeli conscript would probably fight much better, be cheaper to hire, and are probably plain tougher than the Singaporean boys who go running to their parents at the slightest sign of hardship. I wonder if they have combat soldiers in the IDF who will fail our laughably easy to pass Individual Physical Proficiency Test.

Mood Music.

Play.

There is no one at home. I'm going to be alone until Thursday night. I think I'll go nuts. Oh god. I need solutions (!) not facts. I have enough facts already. What I need is the beauty of originality and creation! Ideas and solutions. That I don't have. I need beautiful things to distract me now! I need beauty to distract me until I die!

There have to be healthier venues this aggro. I know the television isn't one of them, and cannot be part of a 30 day solution. There are also times when following social conventions doesn't really make sense. Yes, I could entertain you but then, I'd be lying. I'd also be seething on the inside and opening myself to further detriments to my mental health. The challenge would be balancing aggro and being at the risk of looking like a dumb punk. Balance, and all that ying yang.

Ugh. I think I miss camp. Being on medical leave is stupid.

I don't want to go!

Yes. There are things that make me tingly inside still. The Beatles being one of those things. It's crazy because when I'm not indulging in fantasy worlds and ideals that make me all warm and fuzzy, walking around then neighbourhood, pretending to be civilian makes me feel more disconnected from this world than ever.


Oh well. I'm going back to camp tonight.

Dood srsly?

Just 3 more days until the end of my hospitalization leave and you have to call to give me grief? In the past 18 days when I was a horrible lump rotting in front of flashing lights and accumulating dirt no one bothers to call and today was so special that you had to wake me up and give me grief over nothing?

On retrospect, I guess I understand. I mean being on duty while everyone is enjoying leave does suck. Although it would be much appreciated if, you felt like crying for attention that you don't act like such an entitled punk. I mean no one likes a punk, much less a needy entitled one.

I mean seriously, giving me grief about not picking up the phone when I was sleeping.



Seriously, fuck off. I mean get hints when people drop them and find better things to do with your life.



Oh, I hold so much anger. Stupid arm.

Doctor knows best.

This hospitalization leave sucks. Instead of getting better, I'm getting fatter and lazier everyday. I sleep longer and spend my waking hours either eating or in front of a monitor, because I'm too broke to spend time outside the house.

Also, this cast is getting dirtier and smellier and it is gross.

I miss the use of my left hand and the smell of money.