Like A Schizo Killer.

Short, short hot pants. Oh yes, they do because I'm a legs and butt man. Smiles, because as corny as it sounds, there's nothing better than having someone else genuinely happy to brighten up your day. No matter how shitty or fucked up your day is going, having someone happy and smiling does wonders for my mood. That's also why I rough it out with the whole F&B/Service industry business, and manage to put up with all the dumb shits who make being douche bags their only priority in life.

Flirting too. Flirting is awesome. Flirting very coincidentally, only comes by very naturally when I'm in my work persona. It's easier to smile and say all the right things, when you listen but don't really hear and it's okay to say all the right things, no matter how corny or irrelevant. Which kind of links to making people smile, except that sometimes flirting has other consequences.

Like this customer at the 'bucks, who was always eating lunch alone at the cafe and I suggested that I should take away lunch for her because she was always having the same pre-made shit for lunch everyday and that she needed some freshly prepared food from time, to time. Which lead to her getting the idea that I promised to buy her lunch, followed by an exchange of numbers to reaffirm that I would keep that promise, and she's going off to Brunei for two weeks so procrastinating is so much easier because I'm really frightened to buy her lunch, because customer server relationships are sacred and have far reaching consequences for the business if it sours and also, I'm a pussy.

Then, there's what must be tantamount to verbal sex at the restaurant. Where I'm directly addressing shit like physical appearance and massaging my words so gently and softly that I think I might have just lost my virginity. It's incredible how I get away with it, and even the restaurant manager comes up and asks me how the hell I get away with saying shit like that but still not offend the female guests.


And I don't know, things just seem to fall in nicely when using the work persona. Crazy as it sounds, that's also what's stopping me from leaving the restaurant, because I'm addicted to such shameless displays.


But, I need to get a find a more positive work environment. Working with incompetence is driving me nuts-a phony horrible accent is not the solution to your lousy English! Also, need to find a work environment where instead of verbal fornication, and getting sneakily pinched on the butt some one actually sees fit to whip me into actual fornication.


Restaurant Manager(RM): (Referring to guest) You go ask her out lah, you make her so high already
ME: No lah, I'm scared (sharp intake of air indicative of guests' attractiveness). I still virgin, you know?
RM:You? Don't lie lah.
ME:It's true. Help me get laid lah!
RM:Haha. Fuck lah, nonsense man you.






Sigh. Need to get over this prepubescent shit. NOW.